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Cat's Logs - Week 41

Few attendants understand the importance of drapes in the growth and development of kittens.

Studies have shown that kittens deprived of the opportunity to climb drapes have a harder time jumping on the kitchen counters later in life.

Also, kittens need to learn the important survival skill of unhooking their claws from objects, and curtains and drapes are the ideal setting for this instruction.

In addition, climbing all the way to the ceiling develops a kitten's courage and finding a way back down inspires ingenuity.

Drapes are truly a feline teacher's blackboard.

Kittens have a natural interest in hunting.

The wise human encourages this behavior as it forms the basis for future feline-human play. Play is an important activity that bonds a human to his feline master.

Admittedly, kittens don't need to be taught to play. They do, however, need to learn that when the tom cat's napping they should play with the human attendant instead. This is particularly true in the wee hours of the morning when it's quiet enough for really deep sleep.

A common human error is trying to get a kitten to sleep through the night--or at least be quiet during the human's primary sleeping hours. This is a dangerous practice that can scar and disorient a youngster for life.

Providing housing for 5 or 6 kittens at once greatly reduces this risk.

Tuesday, October 19, 1999

To my amazement, humans sometimes find cats untrainable, selfish and sneaky.

After studying the available literature, this attitude appears to come from those who don't understand petiquette. Not that lowest form, doggerel, but truly refined and elegant feline manners.

Take, for example, the box. What for humans is a simple matter of using paper, flushing and washing hands is for us a very complex issue. In addition to sanitation, felines weave subtle communication into every portion of this act.

First, in a multicat house, the degree of coverage is a very clear indicator of status and relationships.

But if there is too little litter or too much litter, or the litter is too damp, too dry, too dirty or too clean, petiquette requires us to create an appropriate pattern to draw the human's attention.

It's like reading tea leaves, but richer and more subtle.

Wednesday, October 20, 1999

Drinking is another area in which there are clear rules of conduct for the well-bred and elegant feline.

Just as failure to burp after meals can be an insult in some cultures, keeping all the water in the bowl is a sign of poor feline manners. Even halfhearted sprinkling fails to fully express the joy and happiness a good fresh bowl of water inspires.

But when your human walks into the kitchen to find a small pool, your appreciation, not to mention classy behavior, will be duly noted, and sometimes even results in a bit of fuss.

A refined cat sees that the bowl is half full.

The well-mannered cat knows how, when and if it is appropriate to greet a human.

Less cultured and very young felines often meet humans at the door when they enter the house. Not only can this result in distasteful "picking up" incidents, it encourages inappropriate familiarity of many kinds.

The purpose of petiquette is to constantly reinforce the relationships and rituals necessary for a well-ordered and respectful home. By following its precepts, a feline emanates dignity and demands respect (not to mention liver treats).

If you are in an especially good mood or are cloyingly fond of your human, you may wish to nap near the door and make eye contact when the attendant enters. This maintains a sufficient bond to ensure your liver treat needs are met without encouraging undue acts of affection.

Should the human attempt to dictate your behavior regarding kitchen counters, flowers, and the like, express your distaste by greeting the human from behind the sofa.

Reminder: Greet in haste, wash the human's kisses off in leisure.

Humans have a superstitious and mystical view of cats, which is reinforced by the rules of petiquette.

Many humans view the touch of a cat's paws as so powerful that they become agitated when a cat walks on the kitchen counter.

The kitchen is a sacred place to such humans, with feline and human areas separated and also areas dedicated to ritualistic behavior such as slicing and dicing. The humans invest large sums of money on equipment called, "food processors," that sit on the counter gathering dust in preparation for the weekly sanitation ritual.

Petiquette dictates that a cat's paws touch the kitchen counter daily to confer honor upon this special place. Performing this act in a human's presence at least weekly is preferred so the human can rest easy in the knowledge that this important need is being met.

Some humans, however, become so excited by this honor that they begin shouting, grabbing objects such as brooms, and waving and flinging things around in a frenzied manner.

The wise cat observes this part of the ritual from the living room.

No human ceremony can compare to feline territory rituals.

First, there are many subtle and not so subtle ways of marking your territory. Some are even obvious enough that a human can become aware of them. Sadly, GlennaJo has forbidden me to discuss that topic any further in this diary, and since she does the typing...

Once marked, petiquette requires great respect for another's territory. One avoids, or at least walks quickly through, another's territory if the owner is present.

The rules, however, change drastically in the owner's absence. First, you mark the territory as your own. Then, if this brings the owner running to defend what's his, size 'em up. If you're me, you look him firmly in the eye and take over. Less impressive felines have a variety of choices.

A quick exit with full dignity before anyone gets hurt is often the best solution. Many toms are also fond of puffing up to twice their normal size, hissing and growling. This carries the risk that the other cat will puff up even larger and make louder noises. Sometimes, failed hostility displays even lead to duels.

And duels usually result in two wounded losers and no winner at all.

Chats
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Squirt
18 in x 24 in
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