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Cat's Logs - Week 38

I'm outraged! GlennaJo missed the due date for an assignment by a whole week and had the nerve to blame it on me.

Only a human would believe these lame excuses anyway. Take a look for yourself!

• I did it right away on Friday, but I left it at a friend's since I was in a hurry to get home to my cat, and it was gone when I returned
• I redid it on Saturday, but the cat used it for relief
• I redid it on Sunday, but the cat shredded it for fun
• I redid it on Monday, but the cat pulled the diskette across a magnet and erased it
• I redid it on Tuesday, but a file was accidentally saved over it when the cat hit the <ENTER> key at an inopportune moment
• I redid it on Wednesday, but I left it in my Mom's car after shopping and her cat must have eaten it because we couldn't find it the next day
• I redid it on Thursday, but the cat dragged it into the toilet and I flushed before I realized what it was (not that you really wanted it at that point anyway)
• I redid it on Friday, but the cat used it to sled into the kitchen right after I waxed the floor
• Growing desperate, I redid it on Saturday, and FTP'd it to the web for cat-free safekeeping; alas, there was another regrettable cat paw incident involving the <DELETE> key
• On Sunday, determined to fulfill my assignment, I recorded my homework on a tape recorder, which made mewing sounds and then self-destructed
• On Monday, I redid it, but left it on the bus because I was busy watching a neighbor's cat cross the street when I got off
• On Tuesday, I redid it, and brought it in, but the computer couldn't read the diskette, probably due to the cat hair you can see sticking out of it

I hope she gets the "F" she deserves!

GlennaJo spent the better part of the day looking for something called a "birth certificate."

Apparently humans don't believe you've been born unless you have one.

Now pardon me for being logical, but if someone's standing in front of you isn't it pretty likely the person was born?

What? You need to prove when and where you were born?

Humans are always focusing on small stuff and blowing it up into a minefield.

Tuesday, September 28, 1999

GlennaJo wanted me to write about how much her asthma worries me.

I am really worried. Although it appears she is still able to reach to the top of the frig and serve up the liver treats, so I'm able to handle the stress. Now can we talk about something interesting?

What? I had a very interesting day, thank you. I watched three youngsters climb the tree in the front yard, and the small tabby climbed the highest of all. Then the kids spent some time bird watching, but they haven't yet developed the skills to turn it into a contact sport.

Several naps later, I watched the people walking home from work. You know, they could learn a lot about life from those kittens.

A frown's a lose/lose proposition.

Wednesday, September 29, 1999

This is one of my favorite times of the year.

With each degree the temperature drops, my coat grows thicker and more luxuriant. I know it's hard to believe I can become even more handsome, but the facts are plain for anyone to see.

Like many seemingly miraculous things, there are a few side effects, like the old hair dropping onto GlennaJo's floors and furniture. This is a minor inconvenience that gives my attendant a chance to fulfill her destiny, but there is another more serious impact: increased grooming.

Every time I turn around there's GlennaJo with brush raised like a club. And then she starts in with almost maniacal vigor. Now, you'd think when she hits a mat, which obviously pulls my manly but delicate skin, she'd be gentle--but no. Mats send her into overdrive.

Funny thing, they send my teeth into overdrive, too.

GlennaJo's mother, a woman of intelligence, taste and great wisdom brought me two bags of liver treats today.

GlennaJo, a human who doesn't have a very good grasp of priorities and true friendship, set them on top of the refrigerator unopened.

Prince, almost unbelievably handsome, intelligent, cultured, wise, entertaining and soulful, jumped right up there to rectify the error.

The liver treats, cut down in their prime, slid to the back of the refrigerator and fell between it and the wall, out of the reach of paw and tooth.

GlennaJo, cruelty oozing from every pore, grunted out, "Serves you right for being greedy."

It's a tragedy only Shakespeare could do justice to!

Today there were some human children climbing in the maple tree out front.

I can see the attraction: there are several limbs strong enough to sit on about four feet from the ground and a couple are almost big enough to take a nap on.

I noticed, though, that while the kittens only make a few tiny claw pricks in the tree's outer skin, the human children are much harder on the tree. They nail things to it and pull off the smaller branches.

It must be hard to have to stand still like that, unable to defend yourself.

I on the other hand ...

Yesterday, the neighbor was over mowing the lawn a final time before it snows.

Having retired from the outdoor life several years ago in California, I've never had a close encounter with snow.

And I'm not complaining, either. Whenever GlennaJo opens the door wide I move to the center of the house so she can't push me out to fend for myself. While the liver treat service here isn't entirely satisfactory, in my wild and crazy youth on my own in L.A. I never got any at all.

Anyway, the neighbor disturbed my nap for a good half hour and then mercifully ceased.

Can you believe GlennaJo pays him to make that racket?

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Squirt
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