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Cat's Logs - Week 36

Humans are often surprised, and sometimes do a most gratifying little jump, when the cat whose belly they're petting goes from 0-60 in 30 seconds and disappears from the room.

Typically, humans interpret this behavior as a reaction to how they are doing the petting. Hate to burst your bubble, but this is one of the many things in life that are not about you.

Cats are nature's storage batteries. As they eat and sleep, the charge builds up and up until it bursts out in a magnificent display of feline athletic prowess.

This is the language of me exercising my muscles like the finely tuned instruments they are.

A common human misconception is that a cat on his back displaying his belly is in a friendly and playful mood.

It is extremely foolish to approach such a cat without a thorough knowledge of belly communications.

For example, the following positions are easily confused by the unobservant:

Belly of Peace

Belly of War

It's so much fun watching her surprised expression when GlennaJo foolishly touches the belly of war.

Tuesday, September 14, 1999

An arched back is a sure indication you have irritated a feline in a major way.

Despite the many inconveniences due to life in general and humans in particular, cats are usually able to shrug things off and drop right back to sleep.

However, large dogs, 2-year-old humans, and other male cats are an entirely different matter. Going back to sleep is not an option.

An arched back clearly says, "you are the most horrifying sight I have ever endured." This works very well in discouraging cats smaller than you. It also sometimes works with unusually bright toddlers.

Most dogs, though, can look right at a hostile animal puffed up to twice their size and just keep on barking.

Communication with dogs is most effective when you're high in a tree.

Wednesday, September 15, 1999

Cats also communicate by sharpening their claws.

In addition to obvious messages like, "I am feline, above all petty attachment to possessions," and, "I felt like it," claw sharpening can provide deep insights into a cat's soul.

For example, when a cat sharpens his claws on the scratching post you bought for him it means, "aren't you ever leaving the house?"

Similarly, when the sharpening agent is solid wood furniture, you can safely conclude that he's saying you should spend less money on furniture polish and more on liver treats.

Most importantly, when your cat claws the sofa it means, "I had a delightful romp."

Lying in ambush is one of felines' more endearing types of body language.

When the lurker strikes, a fun romp almost always ensues.

My favorite ambushee is Mz. Veldt, the alleged princess. At 8 pounds to my 20, she always gets really excited when I leap and we enjoy an invigorating chase together.

GlennaJo, in addition, to getting in the way of most attempts to ambush the pee wee princess, ignores ambushes completely ...

unless I use my teeth.

If you've been brave (foolish?) enough to bathe your cat in water, you've had an opportunity to witness the water dance.

This is an ancient ritual in which the cat says to the water, "You're in my personal space! Out of my territory! I'll get you for this! Aieeeee!"

Many variants of this ritual also involve telling humans things such as:

Most humans who witness this dance are so overwhelmed with its dignity and majesty that they are hesitant to invoke it again.

Wait 'til you hear GlennaJo's latest illogical statement:

"Meatballs are not toys."

So here we have a delicious item that is also shaped for maximum fun, but ... it's not a toy?

I get toys filled with catnip all the time--why not meat? What's wrong with the cat toy industry? I'll apply for the patent myself!

Besides, I didn't start playing with it until it rolled out of my bowl when I tried to take a bite. Give me a break!

One person's "unsanitary mess" is another person's joyful pleasure.

Chats
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Squirt
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