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Cat's Logs - Week 31

Another way that feline/human relationships can get off balance is excessive identification.

If your attendant's kisses begin to be more like licking or even if your attendant begins bathing with her tongue, there is a problem. While it is natural for the inferior to idolize and copy the superior, a healthy moderation is critical. Slowly blinking eyes, humming and lying on the back with paws raised are all attractive imitative behaviors. Licking is not.

Humans can also tip off balance in the other direction, bathing you with smelly, bubbly, unnatural concoctions. This is why feline mothers from time immemorial have taught their kittens the art of Chat-Sui. The advanced Chat-Sui practitioner can float over the water. Most felines have mastered the art well enough to stay on top of the water while simultaneously biting and scratching.

Remember: As the dominant species it's your responsibility to recognize problems and restore balance.

Grooming is another area where humans can get off balance.

It's easy for them to lose sight of the true objective of grooming--your pleasure.

GlennaJo, for example, gets way too focused on mats in my coat. When she should be gently rubbing the brush over my itchy spots, she's stroking vigorously on a mat instead. Often she gets so fixated on the mats that even gentle (and not so gentle) nips have no effect on her.

It's hard to have an eagle's balance when your attendant's a turkey.

Tuesday, August 10, 1999

One of the nice things about living here in the Midwest is that the weather is always changing.

Bright sunny days are even more appreciated when mixed with cool, damp ones. And humans sliding across snow and ice makes Winter endlessly amusing.

The weather has been very lively this summer, with lots of different types of storms.

It's a cool cat who can sleep through a storm--

like me!

Wednesday, August 11, 1999

The word, "storm," comes from an ancient Felini term meaning inconvenience.

Felini has 87 different terms for inconvenience, and the one in question carries nuances of dark closed in places that are unnecessarily damp.

Like the corner of the basement GlennaJo insisted on dragging me to when some human "weatherman" (from an ancient human word meaning he who guesses) said there might be a tornado.

She said she wouldn't have moved us to the basement except for the color of the skies (talk about guessing!!), but as I tried to explain, the vibrations we cats use to predict earthquakes days in advance indicated that, at least at our house, it was more of a huhumumu (inconvenience).

Now, I've been trying to sneak into the basement for about a year now, but there was no way I was cooperating with an involuntary visit, no sir!

Suffice it to say that by the time we reached the basement the skies were clearing and even GlennaJo admitted there was no tornado.

Except for me on the way down the stairs.

Zzzz ... Tropical Storm Prince is battering the Eastern Seaboard.

Folks, this is the biggest, baddest tropical storm ever. With 1,000,000 foot waves devastating everything in its path, this storm is not to be trifled with.

This amazing storm is both destructive and compassionate. Tearing down buildings like fragile figurines on the bookshelf while sparing human life and gently lifting and placing felines in high safe dry places.

Zzzziver treats are putty in Prince's hands, yielding to his mastery of ... Yow!

The world can look much larger when you wake up.

Thunderstorms are called cacofoni in the ancient Felini language.

Cacofoni is the kind of inconvenience that interferes with naps by keeping the ears vibrating. It is not to be confused with fonokwaki, a relatively new term coined by the first feline confronted by a car with bass shakers.

While thunder is a noisy inconvenience, the accompanying lightening can be lots of fun. In the first place, watching my attendant try to shut down, turn off and unplug two PCs in two minutes is most amusing. If the electricity is actually out and she's hurrying to avoid a power spike, the combination of groping in the darkness and panic is delicious, and the lightening flashes give the scene a surreal silent picture quality.

After the computers are taken care of, it's time for wise cats to watch from deep beneath the table as GlennaJo stumbles her way to the kitchen for a flashlight. Too bad her first thought is to find the cats by shining that thing right in our eyes.

It's an ill storm that provides no amusement.

When humans describe themselves as graceful and dignified beings, they are obviously forgetting icy sidewalks.

There are two first class sidewalks plus several sets of steps within my view from the picture window, and I love sitting there on a frosty morning watching people scurrying off to work.

This sad species must provide many layers of artificial "clothing" to make up for its lack of a rich luxuriant coat. Those who sport a dignified exterior spoil it by shivering, and those who appear controlled and comfortable look like fat waddling penguins.

The overconfident are the most fun. They strut along like kings until they hit a patch of ice and then begin what we felines call the "dance of the dodo" -- arms and legs flailing, yet not achieving flight --

unless you count the short trip to the ground.

Chats
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Squirt
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