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Stretch Kelley
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Cat's Logs - Week 30

One thing GlennaJo has never dared attempt is giving me a bath.

(Although those slobbery kisses sometimes seem like a pathetic attempt on her part.)

Actually, I think it could be fun since, like all cats, I have the ability to walk on the top of the water, bite and scratch at the same time.

She does, however, have the annoying habit of shaking her hands over me before drying them on a towel. Sometimes I suspect she does this on purpose, but then I recall that the sheer majesty of my person naturally provokes respect bordering on awe and graciously condescend to forgive the transgression.

Usually from the comfort of the next room.

Glenn'Jos got somthin' call riters blok, so I get to rite dis twonite.

I got 1 fing to sae - Da diary uf a pryvite purrson lyk me dont belong on da web.

'n dis spill chekrs brok - gos uf on ev'ry wurd!

Tuesday, August 3, 1999

It's very important to maintain a balanced relationship with your human attendant.

This can be a challenge on those rare occasions when humans act like they have a mind of their own. But most of the time it's a simple matter of common sense.

Balance, of course, means perfect poise like a cat walking on a wire. Lean too far toward displays of affection and you find yourself hugged and (yuck!) kissed all the time. Lean too far toward aloof dignity and your attendant will get wrapped up in a computer or something and forget you're alive.

As a feline, perfect poise is natural for you, but spending time with humans can disrupt your balance.

Humans should be seen and not deferred to.

Wednesday, August 4, 1999

The saddest and most unnatural human/feline relationship is neglect.

Neglect is usually caused by a lack of appreciation for the true excellencies of the feline species.

Some humans "adopt" kittens because they're cute and fun to play with. Kittens inevitably grow up to claim their inheritance as majestic dignified cats. If the human feels threatened by the presence of a superior being, he may try to compensate by expecting you to obey orders as though you were a dog. And eventually may even get angry with you for being a feline.

Continued "kittenish" behavior goes a long way toward making these insecure attendants comfortable. Lie on your back and let him rub your belly. Purr when he touches or even just speaks to you. Always play when requested, even if you'd rather nap or the game goes on too long.

Remember, the "family" that plays together stays together.

There's nothing worse than an overly affectionate attendant.

Hugging you, wanting you in the lap at all times, covering you with slobbery kisses. This disgusting behavior needs careful management.

Gentle nips work with cat lovers, but if your human has yet to comprehend the full magnificence of you, be patient and keep your teeth to yourself.

Humans love to feel you purring. If the human's affectionate display goes too far, stop for a minute. Most humans will stop to see what's up. This ancient training technique, which predates our first written history, is usually effective in reaching a balanced relationship.

Remember: He who purrs too much is damp with kisses.

Occasionally you will run into a human who is even more aloof than you are.

First, remember that snickering is impolite and pretend to have some respect for this inflated self-image.

If your attempts at bonding are rebuffed, be patient. Some humans are so self-absorbed you practically have to hit them over the head before they recognize your innate feline majesty.

Until the human is used to touching and being touched, occasionally rub gently against his clothes while purring loudly. Once the attendant begins to respond, follow the 3 rules of human training to cement the desired behavior.

Remember: You are innately irresistible; some humans are just slow to notice.

One of the rewards of a healthy human/feline relationship is abundant liver treats.

Chats
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Squirt
18 in x 24 in
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