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Cat's Logs - Week 29

A final word on human training: Be careful what you teach.

One cat I know had an unusually intelligent human and was able to teach her to perform many tricks perfectly including:

Unfortunately, the attendant lost her job due to a mysterious condition called "sleep deprivation," and my friend had a harrowing experience trying to find a new home.

Public service message: Be a responsible human trainer.

I was shocked to hear the rumor I don't do anything for a living, especially considering the recent explanations of my professional teaching techniques.

Even the large amount of time I spend on the bath mat is misconstrued as napping rather than preparation to assist GlennaJo should she slip in the tub (in a relatively dry way, of course).

In addition to training the human I'm responsible for (no small task, I can assure you), there's lots of other work for me to do. In fact, I'm generally considered a very busy feline.

So busy, in fact, that I need to take a nap now to build up my strength.

Tuesday, July 27, 1999

All humans "know" that cats hate water.

Because of this simplistic myth, they're always surprised when a cat plays in the water bowl or even takes a swim in the tub.

In fact, the relationship between cats and water is extremely complex and goes back to the very beginning of feline existence. As recorded in our earliest history, originally all beings were aquatic. The creator looked at this, found it dull, and created a creature that never needed soaking in water. From that first cat sprang the entire feline race in all its magnificent variety.

The legend goes on to say that this first cat was vain above all other other creatures due to his unparalleled excellence and total lack of flaws. To add humility as the cat's crowning virtue, the creator gave the cat an aversion to water so all the other creatures could splash him as he walked by.

The cat so pleased the creator that he decided to make another land beast--one that loved the water.

Dogs have been exhibiting the same lack of taste and discernment ever since.

Wednesday, July 28, 1999

In addition to their proud heritage as those "above" the water, cats are largely composed of the liquid of life.

Similar to humans, cats are 78% water, 2% minerals and 20% hair. To maintain this perfect balance, sufficient clean drinking water is necessary at all times.

I hate to complain, but there is a definite double standard with regard to drinking water in this house. GlennaJo drinks "designer" bottled water and mine comes from the tap. It smells fishy in the hot days of summer, although it is refreshingly cool when first drawn.

Looks like my wish is GlennaJo's command ...

gotta go check out the gurgling and splashing in my water bowl.

I cannot understand how humans drink that disgusting bottled water!

Sure it looks pretty and clear sitting there in the bottle, but it tastes like nothing at all. No vitamins; no minerals; no bubbles. Just blah, boring water.

Proves my theory that humans have no taste. No wonder cats have minimal contact with water.

If GlennaJo keeps putting this stuff in my bowl,

it's back to the good old reliable toilet for me.

Water also plays a critical role in feline food preparation.

Quality canned cat food (a rarity in this house) has a large moisture content. This gives it an exciting scent and brings out the piquant fish or liver flavor.

Even the dry cereal GlennaJo serves me is freshened by a dunk in the water bowl, which releases a natural fishy odor.

And we can't forget the most important role of water in the agricultural industry:

catnip production.

I personally like to really get into my water bowl.

Not with my paws. How uncouth! I like the cool refreshing feeling of water on my throat. Besides, the water on the far side of the bowl tastes best, as everyone knows.

GlennaJo says this causes nasty mats that are hard to get out, but I think she's just jealous of my classy drinking style. Besides, there's nothing more fun than a stubborn mat a mere two inches from my teeth, providing a chance to have fun and exercise my jaws while my attendant grooms me.

The water bowl also makes a handy container for toys and prey--keeping them fresh until the next time I need them.

If you have a fresh bowl of water, you have just about everything.

Chats
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Squirt
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