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Cat's Logs - Week 10

NOTICE: No animals are harmed in the production of this log.

In a physical sense, GlennaJo's disclaimer above may be true, but what about psychological damage?

First, my diplomatic solution to the dominance struggle tearing this home apart has not only been interpreted as surrender, but that false accusation has been published to millions of my fellow felines on the World Wide Web!

And that's only the latest outrage. What was originally my desire to keep a record of my deep feline thoughts, has turned into an unauthorized biography.

In the months this slander has been going on, I've been called:

Let me give you the real scoop on GlennaJ...

Mistaking diplomacy for surrender isn't the only area where humans, in my experience, are irrational. I am totally unable to understand how they decide when and how much to sleep.

In the first place, I don't feel my best unless I get 18 or 19 hours of sleep and am not my usual amusing and perceptive self unless I get 21 or 22 hours. GlennaJo on the other hand customarily tries to keep going on six or seven hours, sometimes getting nine or ten on weekends.

As a result of this, you will find her fighting to keep her eyes open by 10:00 most nights. But, despite allowing herself to reach this frightening state of exhaustion, she will ignore the desire to sleep and continue working until at least midnight.

Now a rational being, having finally given in and gone to sleep, would stay in bed until no longer tired, but not GlennaJo. She has this little box near the bed that makes a shrill beeping noise every morning, starting her (and me) out of a deep sleep. Now, this box appears to be under her control since she hits it 4 or 5 times each morning, causing it to shut up briefly after each blow. So, how come she lets it go off at all?

Maybe it's hard to think rationally when you're chronically short of sleep.

Speaking of the irrational behavior of humans, clothing is another prime example.

Every time GlennaJo's clothes begin to lose that chemical odor and instead give off her personal scent, she throws them on the floor of the closet, washes her scent off, replaces it with a variety of flower and chemical smells, then covers herself with more chemical-scented clothes.

Then she hugs me and wonders why I wrinkle my nose.

But perhaps humans are their most irrational when it comes to food.

Now a cat, given a steady supply of food, eats only when he's hungry, which is usually after a good long nap and occasionally after an exercise session. Humans eat while sitting on the couch watching TV, while working, while walking, while reading, while...

And the things they eat!?! Last night GlennaJo opened a can and I got all excited. I stayed very near to her and escorted her throughout the house to help her remember the great spiritual blessings that come from sharing. Finally, she put the can down on the floor for me and it didn't smell like food at all! There were a few bits of this limp orange stuff in there and the whole can was coated with sticky syrup. How disgusting!

I'll take a nice fresh mouse any time!

Once again GlennaJo has demonstrated her total lack of artistic appreciation.

She not only destroyed my masterpiece; she keeps pulling my hair into the bargain!

I'd been taking advantage of the extra shedding I do each Spring to create a really novel and interesting surface effect across my body, and GlennaJo has brushed most of my hard work out leaving the usual boring sheen. She even called my efforts trash.

Some people wouldn't know art if it bit them.

Sometimes briefly I think GlennaJo may not be so bad after all.

Tonight she shared her shrimp with me. True, it had garlic all over it which I had to lick off before I could enjoy the shrimp, but it was very tasty just the same.

Of course afterward she expected me to sit on the couch next to her until bedtime. Normally that isn't a problem, but I made an exception in this case and spent the evening in my favorite chair.

Give in to them once and they expect you to do it again some day.

I'm so glad GlennaJo is typing this rather than bothering me.

For the last half hour she has been playing that stupid human game where they "hide" their hands under a blanket and expect us to act like we think it's a mouse.

When I tried to ignore the whole thing, she put her foot under the blanket and stuck the smelly thing right in my face! I politely ignored it, but she kept poking me until I bit it. Then she had the nerve to say I was acting badly.

So I decided to give in and see if her short attention span would result in a brief game. No such luck. Once I was on the couch, the "mouse" kept "sneaking up" on me and poking me or grabbing my paw.

Finally I just lay down like I was exhausted, and after awhile she stopped. Sometimes you can't beat passive resistance.

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